Is is better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all!

Hi, welcome! This is my very first blog. I’ve wanted to start blogging for awhile now; but have finally decided to make it happen and quit talking/thinking about it.

I’ve been dealing with depression for several years. Recently there have been several deaths that have occurred to people that I know of and many others that I’ve just learned about. Consequently, I’ve been praying even more frequently than I normally do. First of all, I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and know that through God’s grace, I have been forgiven of my sins and have been saved through Jesus’ death on the cross for me. When I die, I know that I will be in heaven in the arms of my Lord and Savior. The knowledge and awareness of God’s presence in my life and the assurances of His promises through His Word gives me a peace that truly “surpasses all understanding.” But yet I still struggle with trusting that it’s all going to work out for me like it seems to for others... Although I can’t explain all the mysteries of God and how He “works everything to the good of those who love Him and believe in/know Him,” I do without doubt believe in Him. I also believe in prayer. I believe in not only respecting, loving, trusting and fearing God, yes, fearing God; I believe you have to have a relationship with God, through Jesus, to develop, strengthen and understand your connection to our Heavenly Father.

I do not read my Bible everyday as I know I should and often desire to. But that doesn’t mean I’m a “bad” Christian. Too often we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others and end up defeating ourselves. Remember we’re “saved by grace. God’s grace.” God’s desire for us is to know Him, love Him, trust Him and to choose Him. He created us to glorify Himself and to be in communion (in relationship) with Him. I believe the best way to grow in your faith is to lean on Him, to trust Him always—especially when you feel your life is out of control and everything is falling apart all around you. God loves us always—unconditionally. When our walk falters and our faith is tested, God still doesn’t leave us. He’s “with us always.” I’ve just about completed an amazing book by Marilyn Meberg of Women of Faith. It’s called “Love Me Never Leave Me.” It’s a profound book that has helped to remind me that despite life’s craziness and the disappointments that inevitably come with life, God will never, ever leave me or “abandon me.” He sacrificed His ONLY Son for me—for all of us! That’s exactly how much He loves and values me/us. That’s a LOT more than I can fathom. See, the mysteries of God are not ours to understand or to solve. One day in heaven, when we’re in His Glorious Presence and rejoicing with the angels, we may know more answers, but for now, it’s not our “business.” Life hurts. Life is hard. Life is painful and sad—at times. But it’s also good. It’s also fun, exciting and often rewarding. My Mom has always told me that if life was always great and blissful, we wouldn’t really appreciate and value the good times. It takes the bad times to allow us to really embrace the good times and appreciate them for the gifts they are. And so it is…..death comes….to all of us at some point.

With the recent deaths I’ve experienced through so many others around me over the last few months, I’ve landed on a topic to discuss for my first blog….”Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” My first response, through depression, was “No. It’s better to not have the companionships around us that are only temporal. After all, at some point everyone is going to die. So maybe if you don’t get yourself too involved emotionally with other people, you won’t be so affected when they or others die? But what kind of life is this to live? Constantly living in fear of death, or loss? It’s especially difficult to understand and accept the deaths that to us seem to be so “untimely.” Young people, young children, new families, etc. But as a Christian, I know that I’m incapable of seeing the whole picture and how even through these apparently “untimely” deaths, God’s purpose is being fulfilled around me and in this world. But then if that’s what our lives were…no companions: friends, families, lovers, our lives would be boring and unsatisfying and very, very lonely. We can’t truly experience life, have life, and not love and be in communion with others. It’s just not possible. God is Love. He made us to be in communion with each other. We’re all interdependent on each other in one way or another. We’re not meant to go through this life alone—fearing death, loneliness, abandonment, hurt, rejection. I don’t believe that you can love others if you do not love God. Afterall, God is Love!

So for a couple of days I pondered this concept: Do I really believe that life would be better if we didn’t have people in our lives that we truly love and care about to avoid the inevitable pain of loss, through death or abandonment, rejection, etc., or despite the inevitable pain that life brings, isn’t it still better to share and enjoy the rocky roads of life with those we love to help and encourage us along the way and also to help us through the pains, trials and disappointments in life? Maybe this is all a selfish perspective? What about the influence our lives can and do have on the lives of others? I know that I “matter” to those who love and know me. And obviously the lives of my family and friends all “matter” to me. I think God gave us relationships with each other, whether by blood or otherwise, to enhance our experiences, called life, here on earth. Despite the fact that life can throw us curve balls at times, I have come to accept that even though there is much risk of loss in life, it is still better to love and lose, than to have never loved at all or to avoid the risk of another loss following a previous hurt/disappointment in life.

God is the ultimate Physician. He can heal all things. I believe that in time, in God’s time, even our own broken hearts, pains, and disappointments are healed. I think on some days the wounds will seem fresh and new again, and on other days we’ll feel pretty good. But even still, I wouldn’t trade the wonderful memories I’ve had with my family and friends to have avoided the few big “bumps” I’ve had in my own life. Life is meant to be lived completely and as fully as humanly possible. After all, life is a gift from God—I believe we should make it a good life and do all we can to make our lives honorable and good—seeking God in all we do. Jesus was sent to live on earth to show us the way to live. Our job is to share the testimonies we all have of how God has turned the ashes of our lives into beauty—His beauty! As Christians, we should try to emulate the life of Jesus and try to be His Light in this dark, cold, hateful world. Let others see Christ in us!

Go live this day fully—it truly is a gift from God to celebrate this day and its opportunities. Go and love others, share your faith, your testimony, yourself, your love and presence with others. You never know whose day you may brighten, enrich, and enhance by just being you, the glorious creation in whose image God created!