My biggest concerns: To have or not to have, continued

Ok, so I've been thinking about my last post all day. If I had to sit down and list (I love lists you know!) of the concerns (or "cons" you might say) I have about NOT pushing forward with the sperm donor.

1. Absolutely my biggest concern is feeling like I'm not trusting God to fulfill the desires of my heart. God alone knows how deeply I want to be a Mommy. And the Bible tells us what is true. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:3-5 Perhaps I'm not delighting myself enough or leaning on God ALONE to fulfill my dreams and give me the desires of my heart. Maybe I'm trying too hard on my own, in my own strength, to make my dreams come true??? As a Christian, a Believer in Christ, isn't His Love all that I need anyway? Why do I continue to feel this strong, strong maternal pull towards motherhood? Is it just because I'm a girl? I don't think so. Is it just because my clock is ticking and I'm reaching my "prime?" I don't think it's entirely this point because for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a wife and a Mom. But yes, in the past several years, my anxiety level has definitely heightened over the reality of my "advancing age" and limited number of eggs remaining. Infertility is everywhere--not just in "older" people, but even the younger ones too! I've missed the best years of conceiving a healthy child, but realize that I still have at least a small window of time left---I hope! But truthfully, I don't have forever.

Is it not trusting God if I pursue a sperm donor to allow me to be a Mommy? The truth is that there are many successful single-parent families in our world today and back in the Bible days. But is that the best plan, more importantly, God's plan? What about the little babies and children that are orphaned following a horrible accident and tragedy? Wouldn't God want those sweet children to have two parents too? Sometimes the widowed parent remarries, sometimes they don't.

2. Am I being just selfish? What about the baby's point-of-view? I've already decided that if I pursue the donor route, I would choose a man with an "Open Donor" status. This means that if/when the child turns 18, the child would have the option to contact the sperm bank and receive the donor/father's name. This is not a guarantee that they'll be able to officially "contact" the biological father, but at least it's a start. I would want my baby to know from the beginning, that their father was a noble person who willingly donated themselves to produce their sweet little life! However, I feel a bit selfish denying my potential baby of even the option (at least initially--who knows if I may meet someone down the road) of having a "father." What about a family tree? I'm so interested in my own geneology. I would be ashamed (I think) to start a family tree for my child and have one-half of it filled in so completely and the father and that whole side "blank" or Father: Donor #223553, etc... Ok, yes, I'm trying to consider all scenarios....I'm a planner, much to my own dismay. But I do want to consider and PRAY about all possibilities, if I can.

3. What about my current relationship with G? He knows how desperately I want to be married and to have children, but he hasn't felt God's peace upon us moving forward....and it's been more years than I can to disclose. I absolutely love him--no doubt, but I feel as though I'm potentially losing my fertility while I wait for some Godly wisdom to befall us. G has always told me to follow God and where I feel He's leading me. I love his faith, it's one of the qualities that originally attracted me to him; and one of the most important qualities to me in a future husband/father. Although I'm not 100% convinced or convicted that "this" is the route (sperm donor) God wants me to choose, I do feel God's hand upon my heart and in this journey--without question. G has supported me over and over in living my life the way I feel God is leading me. He knows how seriously I'm considering this option. I told him I felt certain he'd completely dismiss himself from our relationship if I choose this plan/route. But he told me, through tears, that he wasn't sure what he'd do exactly, but that he'd follow God's will whatever He wanted him to do. G is confident that we are exactly where God wants us to be in our "loosely-defined" relationship.

4. Some have suggested that perhaps G and I should part ways and I should allow myself time to heal, mourn and grow in my trust and faith in God apart from G....and see where He leads me next. But to continue where we are will just continue to prevent both of us from possibly meeting the person God has chosen for each of us. And, maybe, just maybe, in time it'll turn out to be G and I afterall? But maybe not....I just want to do the right thing, God's will whatever that may be! It's so hard and heartbreaking to think about letting go of all you've known for many, many years. But life is short and we have to live each day to the fullest.

These are my concerns....my fears. I feel so "conflicted" over what to do with my life. I don't want to live my life regretting what "might have been." There are just no guarantees in this earthly life. But I do know one thing for sure, I have a loving Father in heaven who loves me so much He gave his only begotten Son to die just for me, for ALL of us! And that LOVE can never be replaced by anyone, not even a baby!

please feel free to comment.....

To have or not to have....seeking Christian counsel, advice and wisdom

to have....a baby? Ok, so what's a girl to do who just turned 38, has never been married and her "clock" is alarming? This is something that I've struggled with now for at least the last five years--seriously. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a wife and Mom. It's not that I haven't had any serious, long-term relationships, two to speak of, but so far neither has resulted in a lifetime commitment. And yet, my alarm clock is sounding.

I've prayed about this topic so many times and haven't ever really felt a definite "go for it" or "what are you thinking? Are you crazy?" response from my Heavenly Father. I feel as though He's allowed me several different scenarios to consider, not the least of which is how absolutely difficult (at best) being a single Mom (by choice) would be! We're talking experiencing pregnancy all alone (well, without a husband to share the good and bad times), and who will rush me to the hospital on the blessed day of the baby's arrival? Would I be able to drive myself--alone? Would my Mom or sisters already be here to drive me? How about all the newborn demands of midnight feedings, diaper changes, and then getting up for the day and again being to sole provider for this precious being? It seems very overwhelming when you consider all of the demands with little to no "relief." But oh the joys of a newborn and the opportunities that come with being a Mommy! Sure there will be sleepless nights and restless days, but I still believe the good times will far outweigh the demanding, exhausting times. Right? What about having to go back to work? There'd be absolutely no option of being a "stay-at-home Mom" if I became a single Mom--alone. I'd have no choice but to have to work. Ok, so I'm in healthcare...how about daycare for my weekend shifts? How easy or manageable will that be? I'm sure I could find someone to watch my baby one weekend a month, but would I have to "settle" for anyone I can find who would be available? Oh, trust me, I definitely wouldn't be leaving my baby with just anyone! What kind of mother would? I don't have any family locally, so no chance for grandparents or aunts and uncles to take over one weekend a month. Ok, so you might say these are just details....everyone faces them and somehow God just seems to work it all out--for the good of all....remember Romans 8:28. I truly believe it is God's will for me to be a wife and a Mommy. I've felt this conviction since I was probably about 11 years old.

I've been to a fertility doctor for advice and wisdom on this topic too. I hesitated to even go, thinking I was trying too hard, or taking matters into my own hands, and not trusting God in His infinite wisdom to fulfill the desires of my heart in His time....and in His way. But a trusting friend encouraged me saying that "Knowledge is power. Go!" My first appointment was in late September 2007. The Friday before my appointment, I was at the Women of Faith Conference with one of my best friends in Denver, CO. The fertility clinic called me on my cell phone to remind me of my appointment first thing Monday am. I considered cancelling the appointment when they called to remind me of my scheduled appointment, but something told me not to cancel--at least go and get information. I wanted to know what my options were at that point. I was still 36 then. The doctors were so friendly, and non-judgemental. I kept apologizing for being there a single, never-been-married person seeking fertility options. But they quickly reassured me that there was no judgement there and that I was just as "entitled" to receive information and to know my options as anyone else. I wanted to know things like, really, how scary is it that I'm only getting older, and my "eggs are mutating by the minute," what's involved with a sperm donor, costs, profiles, and what about freezing some of my eggs for use later? At that time, my doctor felt sure that I probably wouldn't have any trouble conceiving a child since I was still "relatively" young, and my Mom and my sister (with children) didn't have any trouble conceiving or carrying to term their babies. But she did suggest we do an ultrasound to see just where we stood regarding my eggs.....Heaven only knew you could do such a thing! I was so nervous, and yet, so excited to hopefully get some reassurance that I didn't have anything to worry about. That I still had "plenty of time."

Ultrasound. Ok, so as soon as the doctor begins the ultrasound, she says, "Oh my." Well, I knew enough to know THAT wasn't a good sign--or any kind of reassurance. She continued. "You have a large cyst on your left ovary. Have you been cramping? Do you pee a lot?" Well, of course I cramp--don't most women around that time of the month? And as far as peeing a lot, isn't that relative? But yes, for the record, I seem to go pretty frequently. I know, way more than you probably wanted to read or know, sorry. I'm just trying to keep it real. I want some honest advice and encouragement and I truly believe that you need the whole story to understand where I'm coming from. So, then she begins taking measurements and proceeds to tell me that there are a couple of egg follicles that she can see within the cyst on my left ovary, but believes that the cyst is encompassing my entire left ovary, so she can't be sure of the exact number of follicles present. Thankfully the right ovary was perfect! She saw several follicles there, and said that's a great sign! However, back to the "cyst." She said the fertility discussions were going to have to go on the backburner until we take care of this "cyst." Well, by now I'm a ball of nerves and have begun to cry--sob is more appropriate. Of course I'm totally alone at this appointment and I felt so scared and....alone. Next she begins discussing my referral to a Gynecologic/Oncologist and gets me scheduled with him for the following week. She said this "needed to be addressed immediately." What was most concerning is that I had gone to my annual check-up just six weeks prior to the appointment at the fertility clinic and there was no "sign" of this "large cyst" at that time. When she discovered it, it was 6 cm x 9 cm. My clothes weren't fitting me properly and I kept buying new pants, but before I could even cut the tags off, they would be snug to zip or button. I knew something wasn't right about that! Plus, my stomach seemed to be bulging out (much more than normal). I just figured I'd been eating too much. (My boyfriend noticed I'd been eating a lot more during that time.)

Gynecologic/Oncologist. Ok, my boyfriend joined me for this appointment--thank you Honey! I definitely didn't want to go there alone. The doctor did his exam and confirmed that definitely there was a "tumor" inside me, most likely consuming my entire left ovary.....and that I needed surgery to remove it. He suspected it was a mucocystadenoma, which is fast-growing and is sometimes cancerous---but they wouldn't know until they got the final pathology report back following surgery.

Skip ahead....ok, so three weeks later, 10/22/07, I had my left ovary and left Fallopian tube removed. Thank you Jesus---it was benign!!! Hallelujah! So "Thorn" as I named her, weighed a little over 1 pound, and as the doctor expected it did encompass my entire left ovary. My doctor assures me that I can just as easily get pregnant with just my right ovary as if I had both ovaries. But I'll never forget what he told my boyfriend and I at that appointment. "You need to wait 3 months after your surgery before trying to get pregnant. But I wouldn't wait much longer." Ok, that was alarming! We had probably 30 questions to go over with this doctor about the surgery, complications, outcomes, hospital admission vs. outpatient...yeah, right, I was there for 3.5 days!, prognosis, etc. He was ever so kind, and patient with every single question/answer. His statement replays in my mind, over and over...I'll never forget what he said to us about not waiting much longer than the initial three months post-operatively. I needed clarification on his statement. So at my six week post-op appointment, my boyfriend and I went together and I asked what he meant by his statement prior to my surgery. What is "not to wait much longer" because the tumor may come back to the right ovary, or was is because I'm "getting old." He said because of my age. He said it is highly unlikely that the tumor would return. Thank you again, Jesus!!

So fast-forward, it's now been 18 months since my surgery and I'm still not engaged, still not married, and still childless.....oh, and now I'm 38! My boyfriend thinks I'm obsessed with the "idea" of being a wife and Mom and that this dream has become my god. I beg to differ, and think it's more of a concern to me, because as we all know, girls only have so many eggs, and so long to procreate, unlike men. Plus I have half of my "parts" now, so that gives me added concern.

I met a friend from work who is a single Mom--via a sperm donor. I felt immediately empowered to meet someone who has already walked this path. She gave me so much helpful information too! (By the way, she's now the proud Momma of a little boy!) And, she's even found someone to babysit him on weekends when she has to work. She also doesn't have any family in town to help her. I've asked several friends and family for advice on this topic...what to do? Am I just being overly paranoid about losing my "opportunity," or should I move forward and try to fulfill my dreams on my own via a sperm donor? That's certainly not my "ideal" way of becoming a parent, but if I have to do that or risk not ever being able to be pregnant and bear a child, then I'm ready to sign-up STAT!

What about the judgements people would make against me to be a single, sperm-donor Mom? I guess people are going to talk about you regardless of your circumstances, and if this feels "right" in my heart to pursue, I guess I should rest in knowing that I'm in God's will if this is where He's leading me. Right?

I've even discussed this with my pastor who was a little taken aback by the topic, but was honest in his answers and actually advised me to talk to another church member who knew of an aquaintance who'd conceived by a sperm donor. I actually met with that person who also used a sperm donor and she was absolutely happy with her outcome and advised me to follow my heart. She said that people who know and love me, know how much I want to be a Mommy, and those people (the ones who 'count' to me) would love me and support me (and the new baby).

I've discussed my interest in the sperm donor path with my family too. I have absolutely 100% support from all of my family and most of my friends too. I think they're probably feeling a bit nervous about my quickly-closing window of opportunity too.

I've considered adoption and went to a church meeeting to learn more about it. However, I was very disappointed to hear that as a "single" person, it'd be very difficult for me to adopt a white, healthy child, but that if I wanted to pursue an adoption, I'd probably find a baby from overseas much faster than an American one. I felt so sad and defeated. I wanted to say, "It's not MY fault I'm not married so I could even try to conceive naturally!" Well, maybe it is my fault?? I guess that could be another blog topic?

I know this post is all over the place, but after reading about the pain, judgement and alienation that my sweet blog friend, "B" has endured throughout her Christian, single pregnancy and the upcoming events she's facing....I wanted to share some of my concerns from a different angle on Christian singles seeking to be a Mommy.

In His Grip,
Dawna

A Treasured Life; the life of John "Doc" Jacobs

The life of an amazing man began on Wednesday, October 14, 1903. His earthly life ended on Friday, March 6, 2009. This is the life of my wonderful Great Grandpa, John Theodore "Doc" Jacobs. It's hard for me to speak of him in the past tense, so I'm sure my verb tense will shift back and forth between the present and the past. Mr. Coleman, my high school Honors English teacher, please forgive me. I have so many fond memories from a great childhood that include many, many summer vacations to Tarentum, PA where my Grandma and Grandpa Walters, and Gram and Doc live(d). I grew up on the MS Gulf Coast and since both sets of grandparents lived in PA, my family would go nearly every summer for about two weeks to PA (some years my sister, Kim and I, (Bec and Meg weren't born yet) were able to stay longer). We would share the time between both sets of grandparents. My Mom's family lives/lived in Venango, PA and my Dad's family in Tarentum, PA. Our grandparents would travel about an hour each to meet in Grove City for the "meeting point" to swap my sister and I back and forth. It was always so much fun! At the time, there was only a gas station at the exit. Now there's an entire outlet mall! Wow, how times change. We would've wanted to have a day in Grove City for shopping if the outlet mall had been there back then! Luckily for all, it was just a gas station.

Spending time at Grama Lou and Grandpa Walters' home meant also spending valuable time at our great grandparents home--Gram and Doc's. They lived in the country, on top of a beautiful hill, up a long, long winding driveway. It's such a beautiful place even to this day. One of the highlights of going to Gram and Doc's was swimming in their huge built-in pool! Oh the memories there! I remember one particular 4th of July celebration we shared there at Gram and Doc's. I remember several of Uncle Rich's family also being there on this visit. We had fireworks and so much fun, laughter and fellowship. I remember sitting outside on the patio with all the "older" family members and just talking, laughing and reminiscing together. Of course we, the kids, would rock on the infamous "rocking rock" on the patio while all the "big people" talked. It was so much fun. We'd also play croquet, some kind of golfing-like game. We'd also sit in front of the Mother Mary statue that was in their front yard, complete with a bench and all---and sit and wonder at its significance. Later I learned the extreme importance of the Mother Mary and her importance in the Catholic Church. As a deeply faithful Catholic family, it was only fitting that Gram and Doc have a statue of Mary in their yard. I've always respected their faith and their traditions. My Grama Lou was the one who taught me the Lord's Prayer when I was just a little girl. I remember her telling me everynight in Aunt Jan's old room on 1st Avenue. She also taught me Hail Mary, about novenas, about the rosary, and about other Catholic traditions like not eating meat on Fridays during Lent.

Doc's life was so influential on every single person in our family. He was truly the patriarch of our family. He taught all of us not just through his words, but especially by his actions. He lived a noble, faithful, loving and admirable life. He loved our Lord Jesus and lived his life reflecting his faithfulness and reverence to Him alone. My dear, sweet great-grandpa, Doc, will be dearly missed by all.

Here is his obiturary that was posted in the "Valley News Dispatch," the local newspaper in Tarentum, PA.

John T. Jacobs
Fawn Township
John T. "Doc" Jacobs, 105, of Fawn Township, died Friday, March 6, 2009, at his home. He was born Oct. 14, 1903, in Brackenridge, a son of the late Peter Jacobs and Clara (Schnieder) Jacobs. He lived most of his life in Fawn Township. He was a general superintendent in the shipping department of the Du Plate division at PPG Industries, Creighton, for 30 years. He was also a licensed chiropractor and had an office at his home. He was the oldest member of Our Lady of the Most Blessed Sacrament Parish, Blessed Sacrament Church, Natrona Heights. He was formerly a fireman at Fawn Township No. 1 and a longtime member of the MORA Club. He graduated from Tarentum High School in 1923 and was the last surviving member of his graduating class. He graduated from Palmer Chiropractic College in Iowa. He enjoyed wood working, yard work, was an avid reader and traveled extensively. Mr. Jacobs remarried at the age of 93, on his birthday. He is survived by his wife of 12 years, Nora L. (Waterman) Smith Jacobs; a daughter, Louise (C.D.) Walters, of Fawn Township; son, Lt. Col. retired Richard K. (Lorelle) Jacobs, of Austin, Texas; eight grandchildren; 20 great-grandchildren; three great-great-grandchildren; stepsons, Brook David (Nancy) Smith, of London, Ky., and Blake Herrick (Lorrie) Smith, of Traverse City, Mich.; and two stepgrandchildren. Besides his parents, he was preceded in death by his first wife, Gertrude T. "Trudy" (Keller) Jacobs, in 1987. Relatives and friends will be received from 2 to 4 and 6 to 8 p.m. Friday in the DUSTER FUNERAL HOME INC., Tenth Avenue at Corbet Street, Tarentum, 724-224-1526. Christian Funeral Mass will be celebrated at 9:30 a.m. Saturday at the Most Blessed Sacrament Church, Natrona Heights. Burial will be in Mt. Airy Cemetery, Natrona Heights. The MORA Club will meet at 4 p.m. Friday in the funeral home.

Goodbye for now my sweet Doc, I can't wait to join you in heaven and live eternity together in the Presence of Jesus!

A year ago today....

Wow! How fast time passes. Last year at this time I was quietly resting in my room at Baptist Hospital in Nashville, TN recovering from my surgery to remove a rather large ovarian tumor. By the grace of God, it was benign! Thank you Jesus! I will forever be grateful for the gift of that blessing.

It was rather scary how it was all discovered and how quickly everything unfolded. In late September I had an ultrasound to see how many eggs I had--didn't know this was even possible, but hey, I was curious. Or rather, God was protecting me. With my advancing age, I've been pretty concerned about my potential infertility. The doctor said she could look at my ovaries and have a better assessment of my current and near-future fertility possibilities. That was the intention, but as soon as she began the ultrasound everything changed. Dr. Whitworth said, "Oh my. You have a large cyst on your left ovary. Have you been cramping?" Well, trying to process what was being said to me, I just replied with, "Well, yes, but I thought that was normal." After this she began taking all kinds of measurements and telling me that I was going to have to have surgery.......this is about all I really remember. The rest seems like a huge blur. Of course I was bawling at this point and couldn't imagine 1. having to have an IV--ick! 2. being intubated to be put to sleep and 3. what kind of pain was this going to cause? I hate needles! I'm the biggest weenie out there.

Naturally, I was alone for this appointment. But who was expecting traumatic news? This was supposed to be an informational appointment--but not for bad news. Dr. Whitworth was so kind, and ever so patient with me. I immediately began text messaging Gary and my family of what was going on. It was such a nightmare to me.

Then I had to have blood tests done---great, more needles! Of course, I'm still bawling like a baby. Then my blood sugar dropped and I thought I was going to pass out, so they had to give me a snack and I think they gave me some juice too. Yes, total basketcase. Dr. Whitworth then referred me to Dr. Wheelock, a gynecologic oncologist. (Gary went with me for all other doctor's appointments. Thanks Honey!) Dr. Wheelock is the one who termed Thorn (the name of this thing quickly growing inside me....the "thorn" in my side) as a TUMOR. This was an alarming label to me because until that moment, I wasn't even considering that Thorn might be cancerous. More tears.

He advised that I schedule surgery within the next 3-4 weeks. I wasn't ready. Could I ever be ready? Would I ever be ready? My surgery was scheduled for Monday, October 22, 2007.

By the grace of God, Thorn was non-cancerous. But unfortunately, as Dr. Wheelock expected, the tumor was too big to save my left ovary and fallopian tube. The tumor had consumed them both! Thorn was initially measured at 6.38cm x 9.4cm. Five days before my surgery, it had grown to 7.35cm x 9.86 cm. The final pathology measurement was something like 9cm x 11cm if I remember correctly. I do remember that it weighed 1.16 pounds! Ever the picture fanatic, of course I asked my doctor if they'd take a picture of Thorn for me once it was out.....I hope you weren't too grossed-out! Honestly though, all joking aside, I'm truly grateful that it was benign. Dr. Wheelock said the white-looking parts of the tumor are what end up becoming cancerous. As you can see, there were a lot of "white-looking parts." Dr. Wheelock's words were, "You dodged a bullet."

My Mom selflessly took off work for two weeks to come and be with me, to love me, support me, encourage and comfort me and of course to nurse me back to health! I so appreciate you being there for me Mom! Thank you, my recovery wouldn't have been the same without your love, compassion and presence. Extra kudos to you for putting up with me while I was on Percocet too....boy that stuff can really make a person grouchy! My Mom was so understanding.....I don't know how she did it. I couldn't stand myself on that stuff!

Aside from an ugly four inch scar (aka. war wound), I've healed up very nicely! I always remind myself that I'd rather have this scar than to be dealing with cancer and chemo and all of that. I'll take the scar...thank you. :-)

Thank you too family and friends for your love, support and encouragement during that hurdle in my life a year ago. I know so many people were praying for me and it means so much to me. I'm so thankful it's all now behind me! Thank you Jesus for healing me.

Happy 105th Birthday Doc!!

Where to begin? Wow, today is my great-grandfather's 105th birthday!! Can you believe it? I stumble to fathom the magnitude of this momentous occasion. There really aren't too many people who have a loved one who lives such a long and amazingly healthy life for so long! I am truly blessed....and I realize it. Although Doc's physical strength has begun to decline over the past year or two, he's still completely with-it mentally! What a huge blessing he is to me and our family. We're ever so thankful for this patriarch of our family. He's an amazing man of God, a well-grounded leader who offers each of us wise counsel, and has such a huge heart for so many. These are just some of his endearing qualities.

I called Doc today to wish him "Happy Birthday!" He was so happy to have survived to this amazing birthday! He said he's been following his philosophy: "Everytime you breathe out--be sure to breathe back in!" For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing Doc, this is just like him! He has such a spunky wit about him! Today, on his birthday, he was painting wooden blocks for children with numbers on them to help them with their counting and math skills. I believe the secret to his long, healthy life is the fact that he never lets his mind slow-down. He's always busy reading, watching the news, knitting and sewing booties for the "Gifts for the Unborn" charity his children (my Grama Lou and great Uncle Rich) began when their mother passed away in 1987. To date, he's personally made over 20,000 booties! To me this is just so amazing! He's been involved with a program called Elderhostels for about 20 years now. This has also been a great source of strength, wisdom, and quality of life for him in his later years. He also met his second wife there! Her name is Nora. She's a true sweetheart. She takes great care of our Doc and is always knitting and sewing booties too for the charity and is also involved in several other charities as well.

Gary and I went to visit my grandparents and Doc and Nora last year during Doc's birthday. We had a great visit! Doc was just as lively as ever and even drove himself and Nora over to my grandparent's house three miles away from their home. I have so many wonderful memories of going to my grandparent's homes in Pennsylvania during our summer vacations. Many of those memories include going over to Gram and Doc's and swimming in their great built-in pool! We used to have so much fun jumping off the diving board and just relaxing in the pool--all together my whole family (and extended family). I always love hearing Doc's "stories" of the good 'ole days. I also like reminiscing through the old family photo albums and hearing who is who and seeing all the old fashion styles and things of the past....those were simpler times it seems.

Doc's grandparents and parents were German. Doc has a copy of the immigration papers for his grandfather when he entered the United States arriving from Germany! In his home growing up, they spoke both German and English. He's such a well-educated man! His birth name is John Theodore Jacobs. But he was nicknamed "Doc" when he became a chiropractor. Since then the name has stuck. He was a chiropractor for a few years and then went to work in the Pittsburgh Steel Mill. This is where he made his career and eventually retired. He and my great-grandma traveled all over the world together after they reared their children. He's so full of stories....living through the depression, BOTH World Wars, Vietnam War, Desert Storm, 9-11, and the War in Iraq just to name a few.

I hope you enjoy some sweet pictures of this precious member of my family! We took these last year when we celebrated his 104th birthday.

What a legacy he's given us. Thank you Doc--I love you!

Sweet visit with Grama Lou

What a busy week it's been; but oh so fun! On Monday my Grama Lou arrived from PA. This is her "Grama trip." She left last Friday from Pittsburgh and traveled to my cousin, Jen's, in Lexington, KY. She spent the weekend with her and then came to my house for a few days. Grama Lou won't fly....therefore; her mode of transportation (unless Grandpa is driving) is Greyhound or Amtrak. Well, since Nashville doesn't have an Amtrak station, she traveled this part of her trip via Greyhound. I don't know how she does it! I absolutely don't have the patience for anything like that--for sure! She'll agree and freely states, "It's not for everyone." Luckily Grama Lou is so happy and laid-back whatever the circumstances. This is how she manages to roll-with-the-punches with all the constant traveling set-backs you're offered with Greyhound. Her bus was supposed to arrive at 3:40pm Monday. She was coming from Lexington, KY to Nashville, TN via Cincinnati, OH, Louisville, KY, Elizabethtown, KY, Bowling Green, KY and then finally to Nashville! She arrived at the bus station in Lexington at 8am to discover that her bus was going to leave 1.5 hours late--already behind schedule and she hadn't even left the first station! So by the time she arrived in Louisville, a whole 77 miles west of Lexington, it'd taken 9 hours! (They had a three hour lay-over in Cincinnati!) Oh the joys of traveling by bus! Definitely NOT for everyone! I assure you my patience would've been spent when I'd found out at the first station that the bus wasn't leaving for an extra 1.5 hours. Grama Lou though, being the sweet-spirit that she is, just laughs it off and gets out her knitting. Oh what a patient heart. I'd love to be more like her. Needless to say, her bus did not arrive "on time" to Nashville. She arrived about 8pm. But that's ok; we didn't waste any time catching up! I love how despite the geographical distance between all of my family members, we constantly stay connected with our cell phones, text messaging and of course e-mail. The joys of technology just totally fascinate me! But oh, please don't let there be a problem with any one of these savvy things! I definitely come unglued when that happens. I can't figure those things out. Just PLEASE let them all work the way they're supposed to. :-)

Late nights chatting, reminiscing, laughing, watching "Crook" on tv, going out to eat, and just simply hanging out in our pj's half the day is such a treat! I introduced my Grama Lou to Angie's blog, Bring the Rain, and got her all caught up on her story and also Nicol and Greg's story. I even had the honor of introducing her to BETH MOORE! I have a DVD of Beth’s lesson on “Biblical Happiness” from the 2007 Women of Faith pre-conference from Denver, CO. ("There is a scriptural premise for being happy; Beth digs deep into the Word to show that happiness may be circumstantial, but it is not bound by any circumstance.") For all of you who are familiar with Beth Moore’s amazing gift of Christian teaching, you know how exciting and passionate she is about sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My Grama just loved her! Of course, it’s rare to find someone who doesn’t really appreciate Beth’s gift of teaching God’s Word. But what a treat to worship our Heavenly Father together with my sweet Grama Lou in the comfort of my living room!

I just started the Beth Moore Stepping Up Bible study this week too. So Grama and I worked together on one of my homework assignments. It’s such a treat for me to share my faith with my grandmother. She’s always been such a godly woman to me. She taught me the “Lord’s Prayer” when I was very young. It was my first formal prayer to learn. She also taught me the “Hail Mary” prayer too. Although I’m not Catholic, I’ve always admired her commitment to her Catholic faith. I was baptized and raised Methodist, following my Mom’s example. She was raised Methodist too. (I’ll tell more about my faith beginnings in another blog.)

My Grama Lou has such a heart of gold--such a giving heart. She selflessly gives of her time, money, and energy to several charities. One of her biggest projects is Gifts for the Unborn that she and her brother began several years ago. Together with the help of lots of supporters across the country, they assimilate baby gift packages that include hand-made baby booties, baby shampoo, powder, and lotion. These are distributed to Women's Crisis Centers all over the world! Yes, even internationally! They began this ministry shortly after their mother passed away. To this day, it continues to grow. What amazing stewards of Christ to share their love, time and energy trying to help woman choose life over an abortion. These small gifts are just tangible items to help these women realize that the life they are carrying has worth--that they matter. I'm sure we'll never know this side of heaven how many lives have been saved by the generosity of my Grama Lou and her brother, my Great Uncle Rich, and their teams of workers who faithfully continue to knit and crochet baby booties for these precious babies--gifts from God. But God surely knows! My great Grandfather, Grama Lou's Dad, and his wife, Nora are also instrumental in sewing these baby booties together for the gift packages. My great Grandpa, Doc, will be 105 years old on October 14, 2008! What a blessing in our lives he is!! Even in his old age, he gives of himself to sew these baby booties together for all of these babies around the world. The breadth and depth of their ministry amazes me. My Grama's charities are only just beginning...she also quilts for children who are hospitalized. This charity is called Project Linus. She's been making these quilts for years. Another thing she does is knits helmet liners for our troops at war in Iraq.

Many years ago, my Grama Lou was diagnosed with macular degeneration. This diagnosis was devastating to her given the need of her vision to perform the necessary focused work to knit, quilt, and crochet all the things she does for others through these various charities. When she was diagnosed, she began taking Occudyne (ocular vitamins) everyday. Macular degeneration is a debilitating disease that eventually robs its victims of their central vision. How could she continue to work so diligently with all of her charities if she couldn't see? She prayed earnestly for healing and took her vitamins faithfully. This condition is normally irreversible; however, my Grama was completely healed!! She continued to go to the eye doctor for regular check-ups and eventually he told her that there was no longer ANY evidence of macular degeneration--AT ALL! PRAISE THE LORD!

I have so many fond memories of times shared with my Grama Lou! I'm blessed beyond measure to have had so much time with her and so many in my family. I'll never forget the late-night hours we always see together when we're visiting so as to fully maximize our time together, and the stories upon stories that we can go on and on over. I believe I get my "gift" of story-telling from my Grama Lou! :-)

One of my favorite desserts is bread pudding from Famous Dave's BBQ. While Grama and I were listening to Beth Moore's study on DVD, Gary so thoughtfully went to pick up some bread pudding for us to share together! The above picture is of Grama and I digging in and her trying this decadent dessert. She agreed that it's definitely a dessert to remember! Don't worry, we shared it with Gary too!

Grama Lou and I had a wonderful time together! I will always remember the many times she's come to visit me and how often my sisters and I were able to visit our grandparents (both sets) in PA while we were growing up. As adults we continue to make the journey back-and-forth to PA to visit our family "up north." Those times are always so much fun and so relaxing. The special times we've all shared together and the many, many beautiful memories we've made together will always be cherished. I hope that all of you reading also have many fond memories with your loved ones that will always hold a special place in your hearts. Life is short--enjoy the times with your loved ones while you can!

Blessings,

Dawna

Hope you enjoyed the links within the text to various websites and also the pictures. I'm still learning how to do all this neat stuff!!

Oh the joys of a clean home!!

Ok, for a type-A personality and someone no-doubt with OCD, having a neat and orderly home is not just a priority for me, it helps me to invoke feelings of peace, contentment, rest and relaxation. But to have a clean home? Oh what a feeling of pure joy for me! I’ve wanted to hire a housekeeper for awhile now, but I’ve struggled with the feeling that such an expense was a “luxury” I could do without. It just seemed so frivolous for a single girl and her sweet puppy to need a housekeeper. I’d tried a housekeeper once before, but realized that no one, or so I thought, was going to clean my house the way I wanted it to be cleaned. So after a few unsatisfying visits with the first housekeeper, I decided to forego that “luxury” and go back to doing the time-consuming chores myself.

Then the dog hair and dust just got to be such a constant effort to keep at bay. I decided to start researching to find another housekeeper. I have finally found exactly what I was looking for! See, good things do come to those who wait… This woman and her team are a true blessing to me! Her name is Maria, of Maria’s Pristine Cleaning Service (I have her permission to use her name and give her business information in case anyone else is interested in hiring her). Maria, Rachel and Margarida cleaned my home so thoroughly and so impeccably, I can’t say enough how much I appreciate their hard-work and their true gift of domestic divahood. Ok, so I’m sure that’s not really a word, but it works for me, and I’m sure you catch my drift. These ladies are oh-so-good at what they do and super friendly and nice too! I know this is hard to believe, but these women clean even beyond my high expectations! This is a treat I shall keep around.

While these three women cleaned my house literally from top to bottom, I had extra time to play in my yard all afternoon. For those of you who don’t already know me, I love to garden and play in my yard. I can’t describe the feeling of satisfaction I felt knowing my home was being cleaned so meticulously while I was outside mowing, trimming and edging the yard, driveway and flower beds. In a matter of a few hours my entire house was not just neat and orderly, but clean and smelled so good, and even my yard was in top shape! I slept like a baby that night, and am continuing to enjoy the comforts of knowing my house has been taken care of and I can do other things with my time like blog, read, ride my recumbent bike, and follow our crazy hurricanes (Ike this week).

I think it’s interesting how different we all are. How is it that some people can’t go to bed at night unless the house is all straightened-up? While others can navigate through mazes of junk and clutter for weeks, months or longer, and not give it all a second thought? I’m sure it’s a lot easier for me to keep things kept-up since I don’t have any children yet, but knowing that everything is in its place and presentable at any given moment helps me to feel happy, relaxed and contented. Oh, in case you’re in Nashville and would like to contact Maria…her number is 579-8183! Blessings, Dawna